If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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