we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
