Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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