Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize