Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
