i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
