did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
