youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
