there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
