I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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