Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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