my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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