goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
