Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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