She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize