happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
