life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
