dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
