I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
