Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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