the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
