Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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