My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
