I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
