My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
