Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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