You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
