It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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