i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just forgot I was standing up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
