You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
