that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am available for nakedness
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
