how do flat chested girls get laid?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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