She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
