How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
