I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
