How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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