i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
