My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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