I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
