i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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