She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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