How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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