my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
