she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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