'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
