I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
