i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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