don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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