so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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