My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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