my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
