My liver just broke up with me...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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