oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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