I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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