First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
