If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
