I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
did i walk over a car last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
