I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
