there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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