i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
