She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
