96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
