apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
