we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
