her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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