If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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