so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
