the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
