I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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