oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
