If i come over, it means nothing
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
